FROM THE DESK OF PHILBERT SUGGS

Hunting For The Manly Truth, In Hunting!

2005-12-21T16:11:00.000-08:00

From: Philbert Suggs@aol.com

To: adams_mike@hotmail.com
To: M.S.Adams@Townhall.com

Dear Mr. Adams,

My name is Philbert Suggs and I'm a biblical styled-patriotic right-wing, concerned Christian outdoorsman and a deeply dedicated varmint hunter. Just recently my good friend and hunting bud Mike Hawk sent me the link to your article at Town Hall.com in which you were commenting on some nutty paper written by 3 feminist (i:e: lesbians) who were making the same old man hating claim that hunting, women, animals and sex are somehow all connected. Well, like you alluded to in your witty article, they couldn't be more off target and confused than if they were on a real live wild goose chase! Leave it to a woman to completley miss the mark when it comes to understanding why we men hunt!
Mike, one thing I must say to you my good friend, is how darn impressed I was, as well as all the other hunters I shared your article with were. It was the way you never actually gave out any info as to why men or even why you actually hunt. But instead you just left the femme-heathens clinging.....
Anywho, what these three blind mice type women, fail to realize (as do most women and the feminized "sissy" anti-hunting males as well ) is that the objectification, the domination and the sexual conquest themes they so tiredly trot out, (like some sad old aged Zebra in a high fenced hunting preserve) to prove how men use hunting in some sexualized way to control and dominate women and animals is quite, well innacurate !
So I guess I just want to thank you for not... honestly, as you and I both know, exposing the truth about what hunting really is for us men. Because it is in fact really, a solid, and systematic way we men can manage our intense anxieties and fears about other men, our fathers, maleness in general and especially fighting against those deep dark fears we have about ourselves.
As a masculine conservative hunter and a God fearing man of the bible, I can tell you that the sexual conquering themes are not as you well know, directed at women. That interpretation, although more comfortable, is totally wrong because it misses the fact that men go after the big male animals in a ritualistic homoerotic combat between males.
You should have also pointed out to the 3 bird brained feminists that if you go to any hunting website on the internets you will not find one picture of a naked woman!! Not one! No bikini clad bimbos, no corny or offensive sexual innuendos...no T n A at all...nada baby NOTHING! There are no cheerleaders, no champagne NASCAR girls and no groupies in hunting. And that is because, as you know Mike...hunting is a homoerotic war we wage against ourselves, against our fathers and against the other men in the world. Its our own battle against the bottomless terror of what maleness is, our own authentic lack of any real courage and a war against the buried fears of inadequacies we men must face and also must attempt to camouflage.
And Mike, as an avid hunter you know quite well as I do that what is buried deep down are the fears of our erections being tested and our failings as studs being exposed everytime we are confronted with the challenge of sexual conquest.
I know and admit that killing an animal helps me confront those horrible challenges of getting it up! Even if it is only symbolic or some male metaphor,
I don't know Mike... it still feels awesome in that flacid area when I hit a BIG BUCK HARD!! That is what everyman wants! It is the goal of at least 85% of hunters in America!! To bag that big Male BUCK with a big set of phallic manly antlers, which when measured are hopefully bigger than the other hunters scapegoat.
So from a sexualized, sadistic, penetrating shot, we hunters do derive a powerful sense of homoerotic pleasure from ending the life of a bigger and more virile male opponent! And gosh Mike, you know there really isnt anything that matches the feeling anywhere on God's great earth than when a man faces another male in ritual combat and achieves victory over that male who he knows posseses the ability for more potent, powerful, stronger and bigger erections. I know that most, if not all of my hunting buddies have a genuine jealosy of those big Bucks, and that's why we all love to say the BUCK STOPS HERE!
Click here to see what I am saying
Besides fighting against the fears about our selves and the homosexualized gratification from taking the life of a big male animal that wanted to live, hunting also procures for us and protects us against the deep rooted impulse to violence that we all know other men are capable of and posses. The ritualistic, violent, homoerotic, hot, sadistic and sweaty action which we take against the bodies of unarmed animals during our male obsessed hunting excursions are secretly also the means in which all of us hunters are able to socialize that violence and sadism to ensure that it is commited against those others, rather than have it possibly be directed against ourselves by these same men.
For instance, if I know that my big, rough, scary, tough, strapping mean bear of a neighbor Rick from across the street is going to bond with me this coming weekend when we both go out and kill us some rabbits or coyotes together (in matching military issue vests, helmets and goggles)....I know I have a much better chance of him not coming after me one dark night with his big, sleek, rock hard, steel coated, and shiny-XXL barrel (just polished), maxum Magnum 347.
I really appreciate you keeping the reasons we men go out into the woods and kill animals ambiguous. However, with that said I also am thinking that rather than completly dismissing feminist theories so readily, about the connections between women, weapons and why men enjoy killing animals for pleasure. You might want to think about maybe distracting them just a bit by throwing in some good old fashioned raping 'mother earth" metaphors in the mix just to be safe. Heck Mike, ever since modern man no longer had to kill animals for food to survive we hunters have been real good at camouflaging the true hidden agenda about our fears of impotence, our homoerotic longings and protecting ourselves from the agressions of other men by utilizing the sacrificing of animals as a way to demonstrate our manhood.
It really is the only enjoyment I have left, because its the only way I am able to prove my power anymore. Killing is Believing!

God Bless You.

Homo-erotically Yours,

PHILBERT SUGGS

Bringing Liberation, Freedom and Security To Animals

2005-12-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

Subj:	Bringing Liberation, Freedom and Security To Animals
Date:	Wednesday, October 26, 2005 7:22:04 PM
From:	PhilbertSuggs
To:	Ted@tednugent.com, paul@nugent.com, Nugentusa@cs.com,Tnugent@outdrs.net,Paulwilson@outdrs.net

To: Ted Nugent
Radical Right-wing hunter
Republican guitar hero
Reality TV show host
Real loin cloth wearer

Dear Mr.Nugent,
My name is Philbert Suggs and I'm a huge fan of your work.
Its beautiful, and somewhat magical what you've accomplished considering you've really had nothing to work with. You've killed more animals in your life time (according to the Guinness book of records) than any other man whose hair extends past his shoulders. I think its important that you understand that I know that this troubles you, (you mention it in every interview) but I've never been one of those men who have despised you or think those not very nice thoughts of you because of your long wavy and womanly like hair. No, not me Ted. I'm probably your biggest fan because I know how
manly you are and I've come to realize that both you and I are so very much alike as well.

Besides the divine like coincidence that both of us have been in and out of court and kicked out of numerous charitable events for our racist comments. I have dedicated my life just as you have to forwarding the agenda of violence against animals. This agenda we both share of upholding our god given dominion and power over all the creatures who walketh the earth is first and foremost of importance for you sir as well as for myself.
Now when I heard your righteous speech at the the NRA's 2005 national convention in Houston and I witnessed first hand your intense passion for killing as well as your hankering sentimental intensity for glorifying our leaders war in Iraq, I cried with bitter tears of joy, and weeped with a sincere rugged pride. Sir, the way your words darted so peacefully from the killing of animals, to the killing of Iraqis was pure strategery in its piercing comparisons. And when you shrieked out your famous motto "lets whack em and stack em!" to an auditorium packed with thousands of other merciless and wet eyed gun loving men I knew that you were speaking the language of our modern right-wing family values more accurately than I had ever heard it expressed before.
Oh Nuge, your message about liberating Iraqi's from the grip of evil by killing them is similar to your whole philosophy regarding the killing of animals to save them from the perils they will certainly face living in the woods or thickets. Indeed, when you go shooting up rabbits, blowing away deer, slaying raccoons, blasting bears and just whacking and stacking so many animals who otherwise might starve in a harsh winter climate you are like the "Mother Theresa to animals" as you call yourself.
As you know we hunters have defended our joy in killing animals throughout history as necessary for human survival. Yet now, just like our brave war time President who maintains that we must continue to save Iraqis by blowing them up, you make it crystal "see through" style clear that we will only save the earth's creatures from extinction, by killing them.
Because of your celebrity status and America's incredible success's in Iraq, I come to you with an idea that could help save the fast declining activity we call hunting. What we need to do now is to liberate a very popular animal from its supposed possible potential extinction and use the same language, propaganda and uplifting slogans that General Cheney and Commander Bush used in persuading congress and the public to liberate the Iraqis.
Now Nuge, I have just seen the very popular moving picture "March of The Penguins" six times and yes I do know its a French film because the filmmakers did not gun down any penguins with a Xypex 44 maxim magnum master 750xxx Panther (dual scope) Winchester Mystery House semi automatic shotgun series, like any red blooded American patriotic would have. I was imagining with my eyes closed the other morning while cleaning the shaft on my miniature Smith and Wesson 555 how the kids today just really love these bird critters so much that if you could help me organize a hunting mission to wherever that artica place is and we could liberate us some Emperor Penguins we might encourage more families with children to hunt. Ted,with the right name like The Committee For The Liberation Of Penguin Birds, your patriotic fervor, and my talent for coercion we can build a case for this mission and our dying sport. And Ted my brother, the most exciting thing is, that similar to the fenced in animals on your ranch these critters don't hardly ever move for months while they are raising their young ones. Those penguin birds would make such simple and easy targets just like the raccoons and old deer you nail so patriotically in your back yard that we could just whack em and stack em and bring total liberation, promote regional security, create Penguin Freedom and democracy thus saving our way of life!
God Bless You Ted!

Patriotically yours,

PHILBERT SUGGS

P.S.
Ted please check out my review of your book

Blood Trails on Amazon.comI gave it 5 out of 5 stars.

Follow The Leader

2005-11-18T12:00:00.000-08:00

From: PhilbertSuggs@aol.com
To: TKeith@WarriorMusic.com
To: Victor.Sansone@cmaworld.com
To: Kix.Brooks@cmaworld.com
To: Wendy.pearl@cmaworld.com
To: BillyRay@CyrusSpirit.com
To: Susan.Mcoy@Tobykeith.com
To: Jessica.Donahue@HonkyTonkMusic.com

To: Toby Keith and The CMA (important staff members.)

Dear President and Chairpersons of the Country Music Association, Toby Keith and Billy Ray C.
My name is Philbert Suggs and I'm a dedicated biblical conservative, Christian styled right-wing, outdoorsman Republican, desperately working for the advancement of ultraconservative Patriarchy.
Its a tough n rough moment for us right now with all the liberal sissy bias in the media. Because in today's America we evangelical far to the right Christians are being hunted down like varmints while the rest of the public is fed the line that dissent against our Leader is good and that treason is wrong!
The time to stand up against this line of anti-Americaism values is now!
We need to fight back against the evil Al Franken types who are constantly making fun of our country's Super-Patriots like Bill O Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Zel Miller. Al and his ilk have made it a national pastime in (as the kids say) "dissing"....the magnificent Bush!
That's why I'm writing to all of you important "taste making" reachers today.
I especially want you all to hear my song "Follow The Leader" that I've just recorded for my divine Bush... who I cherish with all my dominionist hunters heart and who I ask you to please come out to support now in his time of need.
Please download into your desk tops and then listen to my new glorious song. I would also appreciate you over nighting a contract to me so that I may perform this powerful song live with Toby at the upcoming San Bernadino County Fair. Also feel free to send me a contract so that I may record another version as a duet with the warrior patriot acting Billy Ray C.
FYI's...I have performed this new song for the local promise keepers at their last "beast feast" barbecue as well as singing it many times out in the woods with my hunting buddies, and let me just say...it is a huge sensation !
I also have many other songs of support in my arse nal for the great leader Bush and for the General Dick Cheney, who I praise now more than ever for the brave biblical words he has been using when attacking the ones who dare shame America.
By questioning the Bush/Cheney massive successful Shock and Awe campaigns to bring a Theorcracy to the middle east coast of Iraq, these liberal heathens actually endanger this once powerful administrations brilliant policy of protecting us from the truth.
Please Follow The Leader.

God Bless Bush's America,

Philbert Suggs

p.s.... Please go here and click yes on my reviews to help fight Al Qaeda. Your yes vote ensures my ranking which has doubled over night!

American Hunters Need Dick

2005-11-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

Subj:	American Hunters Need Dick
Date:	Wednesday, October 26, 2005 7:22:04 PM
From:	PhilbertSuggs
To:	vice_president@whitehouse.gov, Richard.Cheney@halliburton.com, investors@halliburton.com

From: The Desk Of PHILBERT SUGGS

To: General Richard Bruce 'Dick' Cheney

Dearest Vice President Dick Cheney,

My name is Philbert Suggs and I am a patriotic suppressor of a women's right to choose and an angry right-wing Christian warrior outdoorsman just like you sir. And like you, I'm also a big fan of treason and lying, especially if it means upholding the integrity of our American way of life.
But Dick, it seems to me that things are very different for you now. I mean you used to be able to getaway with everything and anything! However now, I hear people calling you names like "War Profiter" "Crony Capitalist","Greedy Dick," "Liar Liar" and "Outrageously Loathsome Maladjusted Evil Man Scourge of Ooze and Bile"! And those Dick, are out of the mouths of your republican supporters who attend my very right leaning Church.
But Dick, I want you to know that I've figured it all out! Ever since I attended the Republican-Wise Eyes-Forum-Seminar at BIG SIR in beautiful Bishop, CA. I have been able to "see clearly" what is really secretly going on in the fellowship of the GOP. For instance, I now realize that you are going to resign from your post in a calculated move to… One: avoid going to Federal prison for your part in outing a CIA agent. And two: to quickly get the heck out of the "serving the public" crap with your new and (vastly) improved (huge) Haliburton booty.
But what your resignation also means to me and the millions of other Christian hunting devotees who you are fraternally bonded to, is you will be able to make available to the industry of killing animals for sport, the valuable experience of turning lies and failures into great accomplishments. This is why I am writing to you today.
As a fellow rural Republican supremacist you know the tragic, heartbreaking reality of the rapid declining numbers of men who go out hunting and killing animals for recreation every year. And as a ruthless self serving business executive you must notice the industry of hunting animals is now in dire straights just like the GOP, and desperately needs a man like you. Yes, we American hunters need you, Dick.
Because you sir, better than anyone else since Mcarthy, Hoover or Lee Atwater created a right-wing syllabus for America that truly reflects the mean spirit that is our GOP. That fraternal, ulterior motive Mafia thing that you had going on is truly what we American hunters are needing now to discredit the opposition against our war on the animals.
Lying about the reasons why the US invaded the Mesopotamia regions of Iraq is identical, in its complete dishonesty, to the lies we hunters make up when explaining the need to go into the woods and shoot animals. We hunters badly need the kind of triumphant success with lying that you and Bush have had so that when we explain to the public why we must invade the mountains, the grasslands, the tree filled areas with dirt and even the game ranches to kill animals, these lies will be totally accepted as necessary in the war to protect the American way of life.
Heck Dick, if you can keep the US citizens from wanting to stone you after they have all seen how you helped award numerous no-bid no-compete contracts for the War in Iraq to your own former company Haliburton and that your stock options have risen 3,281% since 2004, then you could realistically even help brave Ted Nugent, myself and Fenced In Hunting International with our plan to import those penguin birds from the Antarctic for disabled children and a few of the lucky event organizers to shoot up inside enclosed game parks. And with you guiding the campaign, the public will remain passively silent.
Think of how simple it's been for a mean spirited man like you to turn scandals and selfishness into great accomplishments in the eyes of US citizens!
Dick, with you as the Corporate CEO-Commanding General of the American Hunting Industry we would still be able to champion the old fraudulent reason that hunting animals actually saves animals from certain death when they are killed for recreation. With your help Dick it may even be possible to bring the numbers of American men who hunt and kill critters for fun, back up to the pre Viagra levels.
Oh Dick, don't panic. I'm not going to request that you become involved with the hunting industry's huge boycott against Viagra, (which as you know is the main reason the sale of hunting licenses has plummeted in the last 4 years)! No, we hunters understand how companies like Pfizer actually own you and that it's all part of the reality of our profit driven political system.
Can't you just picture yourself in a motorized wheel chair traveling around the nation like a modern day, but really angry and cranky Roosevelt type?
Well? What do you think?
I look forward to hearing from you soon or at the very least seeing you again at the annual Rawlins,Wyoming Coyote Kill.

Sportsmanly yours....

& God Bless,

Philbert Suggs

2005-11-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

The Rights Of Good Christian Church Members To Carry Concealed Machine Guns Into Their Churches In Order To Kill The Dangerous Concealed Weapon Carriers In Church Before They Gun Down The Good Church Members...Must Be Granted!

From: PhilbertSuggs@aol.com
To: PEROUTKA@aol.com
To: mp@iotc.com
To: Jlof@aol.com

To: Michael Peroutka
Institute on the Constitution
8028 Ritchie Hwy. Suite 315
Pasadena MD 21122
Phone: (866) 730-9796

Dear Mr Peroutka,
My name is Philbert Suggs and I'm a proud anti-choice patriot, a right-wing god fearing warrior for our SaviorJC and an avid biblical styled big game hunter just like you. My favorite targets are the urban and rural coyotes, the black bear and the easy mule deer. My weapon, the sleek Bushmaster semi-automatic Rimfire rifle.
Michael, because of your passion for guns, your passion for our constitution and the way you interpreted it to read how we may all arm ourselves with small artillery weapons and because you are a powerful lawman with nice hair and connections in the Washington, DC area, I'm writing to you today.
When Our Leader GW nominated Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. to the US Supreme Court on Monday, I amened and halilujahed so loud for hours on end that when the neighbors down the road complained, I immediately thought of you.
I remembered in lucid detail the brilliant opinion column you wrote recently about the importance of arming church goers to protect themselves from dangerous other church members who may be armed. As you pointed out in your essay with chilling effect,
"In recent years, many other innocent people in churches have been murdered by an individual who was the only one who was armed:"
Wow, even though I'm only from the South part of California (Riverside). I can identify so well with your southern red state fears about the dangers of church shootings and church violence while attending church. I too just like you blame these type of killings on Hollywood liberals who deny us- fear of judgment type men, the right to secretly hide weapons under our outer clothing while we attend church.
I too imagine that I am an unarmed worshipper zestfully kneeling in my pew, praying rapturously for a good cull during my Sunday night raccoon hunt and.... just totally getting it right with the Lord......
When all of a sudden out of nowhere Chuck Warren our pastors assistant, our church handy man and our devoted Sunday school prayer leader unloads his elegantly polished Beretta semi automatic pistol into the rows of the faithful as he screams out,
"Death to all those who oppose my request of salvation, death for the evils of your serpent seed exchange and for the act of betrayal when a woman shall lie down with a beast !!!"
Michael, this is an everyday scenario that plays out in my mind over and over like it must for Sean Hannity, Bill O Reilly and for you.
So, I've come up with a plan for you and I to put an end to this tragic everyday event.
Judge Alito with his robust, potent King James Version biblical focus on the issue of machine gun ownership is a divine sign from above. We must make it our mission that now he will grace the court that you will write a challenge....Ensuring the rights of all Americans going to Church, to arm themselves with machine guns. (which they would be allowed to own.)
You, I and other Yahweh devoted gun lovers know that when Father Alito argued against Congress banning the private us of machine guns he was making a case for Church goers to secretly hide machine guns in their bible bags and inside their bullet proof vests.
You Michael, write up this challenge for the new theocratic court and I will be the victim seeking redemption in its decision!!!
Under this new court which will be stacked with promise keepers like Scalia,Thomas, Roberts and Alito we can make the dream of allowing Church goers the constitutional right to arm themselves with concealed weapons a dream that came true.
So...Michael give me a sign when we can start these challenges to have the new testament themed supreme court rule on these important rights issues and I will fly out to the DC area and we'll be able to save thousands if not millions of Christians who may be gunned down in church.
Also please feel the freedom when drawing up this challenge, to name it Suggs vs Hollywood liberals, or Suggs vs secret agents of B'Nai-Brith.

God BlessYe,

Philbert Suggs

You Told The Truth, Yet You Were Wrong !

2005-10-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

From: PhilbertSuggs@aol.com
To: AskBill@Bennettsmornings.com
To: Seth@Bennettsmornings.com
To: Jeff@Bennettsmornings.com

To: William Bennett
Host of "Bill Bennett's Morning In America" Nationally syndicated radio show.
Former Secretary of Education
Americas First "Drug Czar" 1989-1990

Dear Mr. Bennett,
My name is Philbert Suggs and I'm a god fearing patriotic Christian outdoorsman who believes that we have the moral and biblical duty to gun down White Tail Buck with 50 Caliber 260gr Jacketed Pyrodex coated tactical bullets.
Any-who...
Although you were only using a hypothetical situation yesterday on your impressive radio show when you said "[Y]ou could abort every black baby in this country, and the crime rate would go down"
Let me say sir, you was, as the kids today would say "true dat."
However, you must imagine why so many Americans are upset with you now. They are angry, they are horrified and quite disgusted with what you said. And I must say Bill, that I'm surprised at you. You know as well as any right-wing Republican talking points officers that you could have chosen any number of hypotheticals to prove to your point. To prove to your angry, scared, insecure white male audience that the black Americans here in the united states are the main reason the crime rates here abroad are so high at the top of the crime charts.
For instance, you could have used the beautiful "if we shipped them back to Africa " hypothetical, which has always been the go to example among right-wingers for centuries now.
Or, you could have gone with the "build more prisons" hypothetical which is hugely popular on most college campuses today with young white and even some young black conservatives as well.
Heck Bill, there are a dozen or so faithful hypotheticals you could have chosen to prove the point for instance why the black peoples were so difficult to rescue during operation Katrina was because their high crime rates made it impossible to get near them and not because the Bush Fema corp was incompetent or not interested. I know that you might be subjected to ridicule for using that argument now that much of the raping and looting stories have now been proven to be false and exaggerated, but gosh Bill, its a lot better than being called a pro-choice supporter.
Let me tell you, even though it was a hypothetical and it was only black fetuses you were talking about aborting its still wrong in the eyes of your target Bush/Rove supporting audience and most importantly in the eyes of the Lord.
What you should have hypothetically suggested was some type of disguised genocide after the black babies had already been born. (I'm only telling you this because you are my brother in the struggle against liberal America and because I too have had major gambling addictions like you have. However, I never lost more than $15,000 whereas you gambled away untold millions of your, your wife's and your children's trust fund.) Any-who...
Lord knows we can't go back to slavery the way the bible recommends that practic. And we can't advocate killing unarmed fetuses no matter what color their umbilical cords are. However, the key to your remaining popular among the Hannity, Limbaugh, O Reilly and Cheney lovers is to maintain your white audiences deep fear of the black folks, and make it clear that you also want to free our land of their dark ways. But, oh, sweet Jesus Bill never ever suggest killing fetuses. That would be against everything we might hypothetically be against.

Hypothetically yours,

Philbert Suggs

Blessed Are The Children

2005-09-20T12:00:00.000-07:00

Subj:	Blessed Are The Children
Date:	Tuesday, September 20, 2005 12:00 PM
From:	PhilbertSuggs@aol.com
To:	Pabell@nytimes.com
cc:	national@nytimes.com, editors@nytimes.com, staff@Nytimes.com

From: The Desk Of Philbert Suggs

To: Pam Belluck
Reporter, New York Times
National page

Dear Pam and to Whom else it may concern, My name is Philbert Suggs and I am an avid hunter, a proud patriot and a Godly fearing warrior for Christ. After reading your incredible account of the fight of one Kevin Hoyt, who against all odds is trying his darnedest to recruit young children to become more interested in hunting and killing animals I am set on contacting him.
Pam, it is a fearful time for us hunters in America and as Kevin points out in your story,
"we hunters are the true endangered species here and it is we who need to be protected"
Yes, how right he is and it is we hunting types who may not be around in the future to see the benefits from all the hard work we do with guns.
Pam, I'm writing this letter to you because after spending almost 15 hours or more browsing on the internets yesterday in order that I would find contact info for Mr. Kevin Hoyt it seems animal rights activists have once again sabotaged my gigaweb browser apparatus's and I cannot find Kevin anywhere. I was wondering if you could please pass on his info to me or my e-mail to Kevin?
Besides our intense love for all that is hunting we have so much in common.
1. He (at 35 years old) has left his wife and 5 kids to travel the country and recruit children under 12 years old so that they will have a love of hunting.
I (at 45 years old) just recently left my mother's home to try and teach children about the NRA and hunting animals for Jesus.
2. Kevin carves detailed pictures of big game animals on mushrooms. (He has a god given talent)
I build statues of big game animals from scrap metal and recycled aluminum.
3. Kevin lies to liberal school officials about his promoting of hunting to children because they will object to the killing of things.
I sneak into schools disguised as a maintenance type repairman and wander the halls until I'm asked to leave or until I receive a sign from above.... to repent against the evil temptations and then search the city streets for someone to scold me.
4. Kevin and I both drive camouflaged pick up trucks and sleep in them over night on the side of the road.
5. Kevin once sat still in a tree stand with a 10 year old boy for seven days in the pouring rain to help the child kill his first bear.
I once sat under a bush in the scorching desert sun for three, maybe four or maybe 7 days. I can't remember now because I awoke in a biker bar after blacking out from heatstroke and losing a toe to a hungry coyote.
6. Kevin says the most important thing he has learned in his 30 or so years of hunting was how to wash his clothes in a special detergent to knock out his scent.
Gosh, I also learned how to wash special places where my scent was too strong and it has helped me throw off Satan's homosexual agents who taunt me everyday with subliminal messages.
I no longer will watch reruns of Rifleman with that Chuck Conners fella alone in my TV chapel.

Pam, I am now beginning to realize that this brave dedicated man Kevin is extremely important for me in achieving my dream of a "No Child Left Behind Without Killing Something" organization.
So please, help us two men find each other and help us, help the children.

God Bless You,

Philbert Suggs

Supply Side Jaweh

2005-09-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

From: Philbertsuggs@aol.com
To: Stossel@abc.com
T0: 2020@abc.com
To: alogomasini@cei.org

To: John Stossel
ABC NEWS 20/20
Dear Mr Stossel,
My Name is Philbert Suggs and I'm a patriotic right-wing, shotgun wielding, avid biblical style hunter, and a red blooded American price gouger myself. Your most recent article drove me wild! I Immediately, after reading your inspiring essay, I had to leave the scrap metal yard early and go and exercise my 2nd appendage rights and shoot my pistol. Gosh, nothing says freedom like charging outrageous prices for basic survival items like water, diapers, or spicy pork rinds. Jacking-off the prices way up high in the wake of a natural disaster so that the desperate and needy have to be more creative and savvy to buy sodas and toilet paper is an ingenious way to instill the hard working mega-corporate-church style capitalistic ethics of our leaders Dubya and General Dick Cheney.
I've seen you on the TV many times fighting the liberal media on your hard hard hitting 20/20 show with that big mustache of yours and I always thought you were one of the best there is. However, now, as I sit here in my home chapel today on a hot hot one, sweating and preparing ingrediants for my home made deer jerky, I must say, that your latest column is one of the most beautiful, insightful, hot and steamy examples of the vigilant GOP Christian conservative, more tax breaks now, pick yourself up by the brute straps, revolutionary values ideology.... I've seen since Ted Nugent's best selling "How to Follow The Blood Trail to Success in Bush's America"
John, in a completely virile Promise Keepers way...... I love you man!

Rightly yours in Bush,

Philbert Suggs

Culture Of Life

2005-09-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

To:The HonorableTom DeLay
United States House of Representatives
242 Cannon House Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20515-4322

Dear Rep. DeLay,

My name is Philbert Suggs. I'm an avid outdoors type Christian, a fearless hunter, a true believer in the culture of life and a Godly-fearing AMERICAN.
I'm writing to you today even though you are not my representative, but I believe you may be the only one who can help our Godly Commander-in-Chief during this Noah like crisis.
I have seen through the haze of this so-called disaster, using Biblically and Republican-'wise eyes.'
Many Americans seem angry that the Bush admin would allow such an atrocity to occur like this one in the Big Easy. Yet our leader knows that we Americans commit ourselves to intervening whenever we see genocide occurring.... anywhere outside of Africa. Bush/Rove understand the good men and woman who voted for them will see that this tragedy as similar to a Darfur and reminiscent of like when brown folks are dying in Iraq.
Bush and Co realize that now they can move ahead with our fight to save the billions of innocent stem cells everywhere in American clinics and research facility freezers. All Republicans will now honor the commitment to the Blastocyst-American Liberation Movement. BALM.

Yet we need you Tom now to quickly find another Terry Schiavo to distract those other Americans who may care about Africa or brown peoples in general.
When I read your words about Terri Schiavo, which I have stapled to my own camouflage hunting vest...."She talks and she laughs and she expresses likes and discomforts," I am struck hard with the realization that this description could just as truthfully apply to our leader which explains why you had such a great success with your fight for Terri.

So Tom, before you pass legislation requiring the redeployment of the National Guard from Iraq to the United States so that they may bring freedom to the billions of Blastocyst-Americans living in stem cell research facilities. You need to find another Terri immediately.
Finding another American who has been brain damaged for at least 15 years can also distract the Gannonesqe appointment by Bush of (click here) Mike Brown, head of FEMA whose last job was judging big strong single stallions. BTW....Laura Bush made a dangerous error in exposing this red state man hobby.
I've canceled my wild horse high fenced hunting trip in Nevada this weekend so I'm around if you need me.

Yours in Bush,

Philbert Suggs